The up-the-sleeve blog

2004-08-26T02:17:00.000-04:00

Well, sorry about the loss of touch, but i break in to give a little news...and a new link. This is my final post from this space. My new blogging home is here. So come on by and read a while.

2004-07-27T15:46:00.000-04:00

Quick note. Changes are coming(and in some cases, have come).

New Songs: Drawn(already on the site), and The Search For Home. They'll both be played Thursday night at New City for those who are able to make it.

On the Photo page: I finished a new roll of artsy stuff, i will put them on the net asap, as well as a group of live photos.

I'm also playing tonight for the Culture Night for the Appalachian Service Project volunteers with my good friend and former roommate Adam Whipple. I dont quite know what it will be like, or exactly where it will be, but i'm excited about it. The weather(and quite possibly the fact that i actually have on tennis shoes(which hasnt happened since i worked out once at St. Marys at the beginning of the summer) has put me into a good mood for playing a show. And for working on some of my stuff(i still dont have the kinks worked out of the new songs). Since i'm talking about my songs, i'll continue that. I wrote a song called "The Search For Home" in a span of about 30 minutes last Thursday night at New City, and i ended up stealing the melody for a song that i had been trying to write based on Robert Frost's poem Home Burial that pretty much takes the side of the husband(since he could hardly get a word in edgewise), but maybe that's for the best. If the song doesnt want to be written, i'm not the one who should argue.

The other night, while i was writing the lyrics to Drawn(a necessary lyrics before music song, because of how late it was), and i wrote down all the songs that i have written, and the list came to 15. So there's a possibility that 15 songs will be on my record. But probably not. There's a good chance that i'll cut a couple. But i may end up keeping them. I wont know until i start recording and start finding out how they sound. Before i leave, here's a discussion question for the comment box. What have you read (or what are you reading) this summer, and out of what you have read, what's your favorite...and why?

2004-07-26T10:39:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a long time since i've posted, but i've got some good news. I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance....okay, so i didnt. I've got a couple of gigs coming up soon...like real soon. The first one is this saturday at New City Cafe, opening for Ryan Horne, a songwriter out of Marietta, Ga. The show starts at 7 o'clock and there's a 5 dollar cover. Also, next friday, there is a possibility of me playing out at Crossroads Cafe in Maryville sometime between 7 and 11. I'll have more information about that when i get it.

2004-07-15T15:58:00.000-04:00

Something that gets talked about quite a bit on here is the subject of the Church. Here is a good article on relevantmagazine.com about something that i think the Church needs to do much more: go outside its walls and minister to the surrounding community. On Joe's blog there is a good post(and potential discussion)on whether the church focuses too much on being relevant over preaching the gospel. And i think that in so many churches, that really does take place. And to an extent, even in my own, and even i get drawn into it. I dont think it's an uncommon problem. We always want to be culturally relevant, to be "cool" in the eyes of everyone, that so much of the time, we throw the gospel out with the holy spirit(baby out with the bathwater...get it?). So, what do you think? Let's throw down some discussion on the comment box.

2004-07-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

Last night, i called up Joe, and was like,"Hey dude...you wanna watch the all-star game and hang out?" Having nothing really better to do, he agreed, so after work yesterday, i drove over to his house to watch the all-star game. My figuring was, 'The NL is gonna win hands down. Look at the pitching...they have Clemens, Johnson, and Glavine. And the hitting? Edgar Renteria at short, Albert Pujols at first(you know you're deep if you're hitting Pujols in the two hole), Bonds in left, Scott Rolen at third, Sosa in right, Piazza catching, Berkman out in center, and Jeff Kent at second. Any one of those guys could hit cleanup for any team in the majors...and every manager would be salivating at the thought.' But did this happen? no. What happened? Clemens got his hat handed to him. Six runs in the first inning, and a complete trip through the order. Suffice it to say that i was livid. I think that his parents shut the door to his room just because i was pulling a McEnroe every time an AL batter hit a ball into the outfield...or when Jeff Kent and Sammy Sosa were demonstrating how terrible of fielders they are. Utter insanity. When Ichiro stepped up to lead off and hit the second pitch into the right field corner...I kind of knew the NL was in trouble...but i didnt know how much trouble until Pudge hit his first pitch off the top of the wall in right...and it only took Sammy two days to get to the ball. My mamaw could have made it to second in as much time as it took him to pick up the ball and throw it. Horrible.

2004-07-13T15:03:00.000-04:00

So, it has been a while. Not that i really have a "readership", but whether or not this space attracts a large amount of traffic (though it has been an area of concern to me in the past)is not and should not be my concern.

Having said that, there's quite a bit of ground to cover. Let's start with news. I have a producer(Rick Huemmer)for the rerecord of my record, and i will be starting recording very soon, and hopefully it will be done by the beginning of school in late August for all of you who have been waiting on a cd.

Since i'm on the subject of music, let me talk about some music that i've been getting into lately(and then i'll talk about what i've been reading/writing lately).

Stuff that's in my cd player at home:(doesnt always change, but when it does, it's usually something new that hasnt made it to the car yet)

-A Place Where You Belong: The Normals
The last release from The Normals is a permanent fixture in my cd rotation. The melodies are at once both haunting and soothing, and the lyrics are a potent reminder that the grace of God and a sense of belonging go hand in hand. There are many dark and lonely nights where this cd serves as a reminder of my security in Christ and where exactly my home is.

-Caedmon's Call: Caedmon's Call

This album is probably the most influential in my formation as a musician and a songwriter. It's good. Really good.

-Ten Thousand Days: Bebo Norman

I was first introduced to this album when i heard the song "Walk Down This Mountain" the first summer i worked at Camp Ba-Yo-Ca. I went home and bought the cd and absolutely loved the honesty that his music carried.

Stuff that's in my car cd player:

Photographs:Andrew Osenga

This has literally been in my cd player since i bought the cd midway through last year. Soundwise, it is probably more influential on my writing than anything else.

Twentythree Places:Matt Wertz

I have a burned copy of this cd(Sorry, Matt...I am buying one if and when you come back to Carson-Newman), but it is incredible. Go buy it. You will not be sorry.

Love and Thunder:Andrew Peterson

Start to finish, this masterpiece is the best cd I own. Not a subpar song on it, and it is a work of art as an album. Not something you find everyday.

Songs for the Walls(1st ed.):Rob LaLiberte

This is a four-song ep(there's a 5 song version out as well)by one of my friends in the New City Cafe Community. Rob's music combines acoustic melodies with techno rhythms in a way reminicent of David Gray.

The Joshua Tree:U2

It's u2, and it's the Joshua Tree album. Enough said. I've also started covering Running to Stand Still as of late. Very good music.

Ben Franklin Must Be Proud:Eric Hurst

Eric's sound is unique in its sparseness. Ehh...who'm i kidding...I was never meant to be a cd reviewer...i guess that's why i'm a musician. Leave the reviews to someone else. But i have picked up some new music as of late, and i think i'm better qualified to talk about that...maybe because it's new to me, and not so familiar. But i think that will garnish its own post. Especially after this one taking two days to finish.

2004-07-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

I think that someone could get a proper education through only reading back issues of National Geographic. Reading just one will give you, if you read it closely enough, a perspective on parts of the world that could only be gained by participating in many unique cultures. And the education is not just on the mind level, because it is greatly enforced by the vibrant depictions of worlds that average people cannot easily reach. These pictures, and these stories are the stuff that stir up emotion, that jumpstart imagination. In one issue, you can travel, in the time that it takes to cover the 132 pages of an issue, to Hungary, Hawaii, Ireland, and Alaska, and see things that most men work liftimes to see. It's something we take for granted far too often.

2004-06-23T16:33:00.000-04:00

There are days when my soul longs for Word. For living water to come and give me relief. Days when my soul becomes so weary, so distraught...that i forget who I am. O God, remind me who I am in You. For this day has been lived in anger, hurry, fatigue, pride, and lust for all that i do not have, and lack of love for what i do have. I am unworthy to come before the throne. Yet You have come, and ignored the usual sacrifices, even though you have no need for a sacrifice of anything, and prepared Your own body: to pay forever the great price of my grievous sin. Your sacrifice is eternal, Lord, nothing i could do could ever break it. And I still don't understand. The how, the why...why me? Why would a Holy God forsake his only son to death...for a fractured and flawed piece of ten cent pottery? I dont understand. I just dont understand. But I will never be the same.

2004-06-15T14:15:00.000-04:00

This makes me so angry. Not only as a Baptist, but as a Christian who believes that the church incarnate should be united, not bifurcated. If only those of us in Southern Baptist churches would see the dissention and the pharisaism in the leadership and plea for a change. Oh that the bride of Christ may be one! Oh that we may see that those we disagree with so fiercely are still our brothers and sisters! We as a church act no better than the 12-16 year olds i work with every day at the Boys and Girls Club. We quarrel, we fight, we provoke unending and meaningless drama. And for what? That a woman would be prevented from preaching the gospel of Christ? My God, how far have we fallen?

2004-06-04T10:24:00.000-04:00

"All things to all people, that i may win some."

Paul continues to be used to the furtherment of the gospel of Christ every time his words are read. Generations upon generations have looked upon onionleaf pages in hundreds of languages, and limped away forever changed. Once we understand the true meaning of Paul's confession,"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them", we cannot go about our lives in the same separatist and agnostic way. We must see that Christ's example of servanthood and sacrifice must carry over into our daily relationships. It is not just something to carry out within the walls of the church(for some, that's a very good place to start), but it must be upheld always, for it is fundamental to our lives.

2004-06-02T15:44:00.000-04:00

For some reason, i cannot get the tune of "Heartland" by U2 out of my head. It's haunting, enchanting. Especially to a person who is a "prison guard"(it's not that bad, but considering the cinder block surroundings...)to about 40 teenagers from 9 to 5 each day. I leave this place worn and weary...but more from lack of things to do, things to engage in(especially those that do not involve stupidvideos.com, or addictinggames.com), and the boredom caused by the lack of those things. But soon i will go to my car, put the windows down and drive. And i will be free.

2004-05-27T02:36:00.000-04:00

Preoccupation

I spend so many of my days preoccupied-to the point of insanity-with trivial things, such as the order and number of songs that i'm to sing, and whether anyone's paying attention to them. And so often I forget about the very things I talk, pray, and sing about: the glory and majesty of God. I had spent the latter part of the night languishing in a state of...well, let's call it melancholy. And this state of melancholy was(and i guess, still is)accompanied by an overwhelming sense that God was not speaking through his written word in a time when i needed to be spoken to. Until I opened that Gospel of Luke and read the following words: "And all were astonished at the majesty of God."(Luke 9:43a)The words cut to the concealed question:"How often am i truly astonished?" When there's no room for words because of the overwhelming sense of wonder and smallness. My Old Testament professor(Dr. Garner)at C-N talks on so many occasions about the fact that "The Hebrews gained knowledge in order to wonder", and that statement rings so clear in the face of that verse. And so often, that's something that we discount, even to the point of laughing at it. And by we, i mean us as a nation, a culture, and ultimately, The Bride of Christ. I hope that our culture of apathy does not last.

2004-05-20T11:25:00.000-04:00

News: I got a place to host photos at finally so, go look at them...they're pretty cool. The link's on the sidebar.

2004-05-14T23:25:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that was awesome.(i'm speaking about the CMT crossroads show i talked about previously) So, as for today's events, i'm going to start by talking about last night. Sorry, i always have to be difficult. Last night, i went over to my favorite haunt(New City Cafe, of course), and played New Day Come, and along about the middle of the first verse, a peculiar thing happened. I broke a string. "Okay", you're saying,"the kid broke a string. Big whoop, we all do it, especially if you keep strings on as long as you do yours." Point noted. But do you ever break an e string?(mild laughter begins to break out) Not the high e, that's a given. But the LOW e?(collective gasp) Yeah...that's what i thought.

But i say all this as a segue to the following. This summer, it was looking like i would be leading music at a certain day camp here in Knoxville. But on Sunday night, after a very positive and encouraging(and looking back on it, misleading)interview the previous Monday, the director called me and informed me that they would not be able to give me a job. So the rest of the night, and partly the week, i spent wondering why this wasnt the thing for me. Fast forward to Thursday night. I had known that a friend of mine from New City was a counselor at this day camp, so i asked him about it, and got a wealth of answers for my questions. For example, to describe the quality of people i would be working for...the Head Director is marrying a former counselor whom he impregnated; one of the asst directors had a sexual relationship with one of the counselors last year, and another had to be fired because she was doing drugs on the campus of the camp. So what was disappointment about something that i thought i would be good at, is no longer disappointment, but relief.

So that brings up the question, "So what in the world are you doing this summer?" And the answer to that is that i will hopefully be working with kids at a Boys and Girls Club somewhere in the innercity of Knoxville. I'm looking forward to going where i'm needed, rather than somewhere where i think i'll be comfortable and safe. Because if i'm at a place where there is no need, then another place is looking for me to walk in their door. May i ever be reminded of that, and thus always set back in the arms of Christ. For i have been given that i may give and that i may serve.

2004-05-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

So, i'm watching CMT crossroads...guess who's on it? John Mayer and Brad Paisley. So good. More later.

2004-05-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

Everything's done,
Everything's done-

Then it all starts again

That's sort of how i feel. In fact, i wrote those words last night in my garage(at about 3:30 in the am, and inadvertently keeping up my brother in the process), and i feel they sum up what has been going on in my life. Everything is either winding down, or done already. I'm now at my parent's house(not my home, because i wont have that again until august)because school is done for the year(i escaped with a 2.0 for the year...not a good thing.), and free housing is a very good thing.

So, this summer is abounding with possibility. I'm planning on doing a couple things, such as rerecord my smash hit album(my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek), and also record a worship project of some songs that i've enjoyed playing and leading worship with. Speaking of cds, i was at mckay's on Kingston Pike and finally got my first U2 cd(long overdue, i know), Rattle and Hum, and also picked up an old David Wilcox cd(i mean old as in that it's something that's not even on his discography)called The Natural Edge...plus, it was a dollar. Well, 98 cents. And it's not bad...it's just really into the eighties...but taken with Rattle and Hum, a trip to the eighties doesnt sound half bad. Oh, by the way, if anyone could possibly get me The Joshua Tree by U2 for my birthday...that would rock(only 21 days, so get on it). Well, i'm going to post this new song that i wrote last night, and i'll play it on thursday at New City(since i'm back in town and all). I'll talk to yall again soon, and i mean it.

2004-04-27T00:22:00.000-04:00

So. The year is almost done. And i find myself wishing that i could just skip this part. Not just this last week and a half, but all of it. Right up to three years from now. But i remember that that would be 1096 days that i would have to give up that would be chock full of learning, of walking barefoot in the rain, of blowing 40 minutes looking at art before a class, holding my sweetheart's hand, making music with my hands and my mouth, looking at the way the sunlight filters through the trees in the late afternoon and wishing for all my life to have a camera that could capture that, sitting on a rock next to Lake Cherokee and looking in awe up at the sky painted by a Creator who sent his Son to die on a cross for my sin...and i remember also that because of that action, i have hope. He(the Painter of that sunset, Setter of the stars) holds me in his hand, and i cannot be condemned.

2004-04-16T14:11:00.000-04:00

The cd is finally done. I've been debating over whether or not to make it available for public consumption, and i think i will. It is going to be a slightly complicated process, though. Here's the deal. If you want the full cd(jewel case, lyric book, cover art, cd label), i'll need 8 dollars from you to go toward the materials used in making your cd(printer ink, cds, jewel cases, glossy photo paper, glue, paying Pancho for writing the songs...what?), so that i can actually make them without having to make my parents pay for your cd. But, for those of us(yes, i am included in this category)who are...shall we say...financially impoverished, pay me a buck, i get a cd-r, and i burn the cd off of my computer for you, write my name and the title of the cd on it(with a sharpie of course), and get it to you. If you're far away(meaning: i cant meet you somewhere and hand you the cd), i might need money for shipping...dont know for sure. But that's where that whole deal stands. Just so ya know.

2004-04-12T22:17:00.000-04:00

I would be remiss if i didnt update you on the recording process. As of today, i have 9 out of 11 tracks done, and those will be done tomorrow morning, and hopefully i will have a copy in cd form that afternoon. I'm working on the lyric book for the cd, and i should have all of that art done by tonight. More detailed update tomorrow.

2004-04-06T01:28:00.000-04:00

These past couple of weeks have been weird for me...just havent had any......desire to write, or do anything more active on here than check my referrers. It's truly been a stagnant time, almost as if i've been caught in the doldrums. My spirit has been much like the weather here during the past week. Spring is definitely evident, because you can see it in the things that i'm learning, but i just cant escape the cold fingers of winter. So i keep my jacket close, and rail against the harsh wind that is being camoflaged by the beautiful blue sky.

I think that's a perfect metaphor for how i've been feeling. I'm almost tired of driving. Or maybe having to drive to do the things, and see the people i love. Okay, so there's no almost to it. I'm sick of it. There have been numberless times that i have longed to just hug Courtney, because that's nearly the only thing that will bring light and joy to my heart on a day when all it has felt has been cold and pain. And this cd project for spiritual growth has been very frustrating for me. But at the last minute, it finally seems to be coming together. After not having anything recorded yet, and the due date staring me in the face(April 15), i have a block of time set, and a person to record with, and i am so thankful.

2004-04-01T00:14:00.000-05:00

I know i dont use this as a political forum very much. But after reading this story online today, i feel its time for that use. It is time for the United States government to pull out her troops that are currently stationed in Iraq. They have been given a pointless, and thankless task(which is to keep the peace for a people who not only dont care for their presence, but take their dislike to the point of bombing, and fighting, and dragging the people whom have been working to restore their country through the street). Enough is enough. America must turn its back on the Arab world.

2004-03-25T10:25:00.000-05:00

There's a new song up on the songs page. Go check it out. It's basically my working through the stuff i talked about in the previous post.

2004-03-23T00:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's amazing how quickly the pendulum swings. These past two weeks have been basically like day and night for me. I'm still trying to process it in order to write about it, but here's what i understand so far. The disciple now weekend was absolutely awesome. It had been quite a while since i had felt so sensitively the spirit moving in my heart, and in the lives of not only the church, but us who went to minister to them. And it had been even longer since i had more plainly seen the work of Satan trying to thwart us. And then I come back home, and nothing, absolutely nothing goes right. From recording not happening to my flesh pulling a full out Benedict Arnold on me, nothing went right. But i sense, even in the confusion and even all-out rebellion that happened last week, there is healing in the hurting. Because Christ is there, turning the rot to rich, black, nutrient-rich soil that roots can extend through to find a firmer foundation. One that brings life, and that life, abundantly. Grace not without cost, but freely given.

The Silence of God by Andrew Peterson

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, He never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that He bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the Holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

2004-03-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah...bit o' news...i shaved yesterday.

That is all.

2004-03-09T11:22:00.000-05:00

Morning, folks. (or evening if it's when you're reading it)

How is everyone? Spring break is almost here...by almost i mean tomorrow. And i'm excited about what God is going to do during this time.

So you might be wondering, "Hey Andy, what in the world are you doing for spring break?"

And i'm so glad you asked. My ever-talented roommate and I are going(with other people from my church) to Irmo, SC for the second year in a row to lead worship for the disciple now at FBC Irmo(or FBI as they call it). Be in prayer for us as we travel down there, not only for safe travel, but that the Lord's will would be done in our lives. Pray also that we would be servants, and have the mindset of such. Pray that we would also be affected by God's Holy Spirit: that we would not be immune to its moving in our lives.

After we come back on Sunday, I will begin recording for my cd that hopefully will be done sometime in april. If you'd be interested in buying one, that would give me more incentive to go and get them mass-produced, so let me know. My email is over on the link-bar, so do so if you have interest in that. Pray for me as i record, that the process will go smoothly, and that the right songs will be the ones that are on there.

2004-03-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

Hey folks, if you could, pray for my respiratory system...i can feel myself starting to get sick, and that's not a good thing. I'm not really bad yet, but i've got some pretty hardcore drainage going on, and my nose is about a third of the way stopped up. And it's already affecting the way that i'm singing...i figure that after i get a good shower, and have some chamomile with honey, it will probably be better, but still.

In other news, i finally went and saw the Passion last night. The overriding thought i had as i watched Christ being beaten to a bloody pulp was my realization that i am not worthy of him. But he still gave himself up, let himself be led as a sheep to be slaughtered. And all of this was for me. I truly am not worthy. But I am truly thankful for the blood that he shed, for it washes my sins far away.

2004-03-03T14:48:00.000-05:00

For those who have been wondering where i've been this week, i guess there's been nothing else important to report. I still havent seen the Passion as of yet, and dont really know when i'll be able to go see it. I'm hoping i'll be able to go tonight, but i really dont know if that will happen. But if there is a door opened for me to go see it, i'm running through it. I have been doing a little bit of artwork for my cd(which i'm recording for my spiritual growth and development class), and hopefully(again, if the Lord allows it), i'll be doing the bulk of the recording over spring break(the week of the 14-19th) at my church...or somewhere else...but that's really when i would like to do it. That's about all that is going on right now.

2004-02-25T14:11:00.000-05:00

I'm putting the recap of this past weekend on hold. I may get around to finishing it, i may not. If i do, i'll tell you so you can go read it. There are just more pressing matters to attend to. Today is Ash Wednesday, and with the beginning of the season of Lent, comes the opening of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ". Here on the Carson-Newman campus, the excitement level among many of those who are going to see this movie is bordering on that before an important football game. I'm sure that many of you also see this excitement in the people around you. The excitement about this film and the impact it very well may have on the Church is wonderful, because as the Church, we need to be broken from our slumber. But i fear that the excitement surrounding "The Passion" is in itself surrounded by naivity. You (and maybe we-i dont know if you'm going tonight-but if i can, i will) who are going to see this movie tonight must be prepared to be shocked. Shocked by the violence, shocked by the gore, and most of all, shocked at what it took to provide forgiveness for our sins. Mel spares no one in his depiction of the flagellation and the cruxifixion of Christ. To give you a true sense of the scale of the violence depicted in this film, Roger Ebert(who has watched more movies than probably anyone else in this nation), in his review of the movie for The Chicago Sun-Times, describes "The Passion of the Christ" as "the most violent film I have ever seen"(emphasis mine). But even with my warning and my fear, I cannot help but go to this movie(be it tonight, or tomorrow, or next week), and in so doing, urge everyone i come in contact with to go see it. Why? Because we must understand the cost that Christ paid, and the sacrifice that was made when God allowed His only Son to die on the cross. If we do not understand this, i fear that we will continue to go on living enchanted by the lie of cheap grace, and never knowing, never needing to take hold of true, costly, powerful Grace. And that is something we must not allow to happen.

2004-02-21T04:13:00.000-05:00

I'm writing these posts as if i had a computer on this retreat and were able to make posts, so i'm writing these in my dorm on monday evening.

So, I'm here in Pigeon Forge, sitting on the side of a mountain in a cabin overlooking Wears Valley. I'm up here with my girlfriend's youth group on a weekend retreat. This is the first in a series of posts detailing the happenings of this weekend.

I left from school at about 6 this afternoon(can you call 6 o'clock "afternoon"?), after getting a bite to eat at the high quality eatery that is the caf. I had already packed up everything, and had driven down to the caf so i could make a quick exit. So i pulled out of the parking lot and pointed the Chief towards I-40, and prayed that i would get there without being blown off the road(the winds were incredibly high today), and then i got on I-40, and discovered that going 75 was a whole lot more interesting than going 55. Especially with 40 mph crosswinds buffeting my very boxy SUV. After 10 harrowing minutes of wrestling with my Jeep, I reached the Pigeon Forge exit.

It's about 6:15 at this point, and the folks driving up from Maryville were meeting at Impact Fellowship at 6:30. You might be thinking..."Okay, why did you leave this early?" One word answers your question. Traffic. The mass of people going to Pigeon Forge and deciding to go on I-40 to do it get together in a mass convention(en masse...hehe)and decide, "Hey, when we almost get to Sevierville on Hwy. 66, we're all going to stop our cars and read the newspaper, or map, or something, and cause a giant traffic jam that it takes 45 minutes to go two miles in." Yeah, i know. I'm also being melodramatic. But that's why i left thirty minutes before Courtney's church. I finally get through Sevierville, and into Pigeon Forge, and then i'm able to hit Wears Valley. This road is the homestretch of one of my favorite drives, and i love it when i'm able to drive fast with nothing but the night in front of my headlights. I get to the turn off for the road that goes up toward the cabins, and realise that i have to turn left instead of right...because i'm not coming from Maryville. So i make the turn and head down this little country road, keeping close watch out for the next road i need to turn down. Up ahead of me, i see the road, which had been described to me as "going straight up". They werent kidding, and i was excited. Mountain roads are my favorite things to drive on. Especially ones that double back and change elevation quickly. This road scaled up the mountain like a serpentine ladder, winding back and forth as it ascended high enough to make me have to pop my ears. I got to the cabin, parked the Jeep in the driveway and went and sat on the front porch until the rest of the group got there. Amazingly, i had beaten them there by about 15 minutes.

So after everyone got there, we all went in and explored this huge cabin, and the first place i went to was downstairs, where they had the pool table...because i really enjoy playing pool. It's a game of angles, which allows(or maybe forces) my brain to get a little bit of a work out. Plus it also has a certain frustration factor to it(not unlike golf and bowling)that makes it both relaxing and addictive. We played around a little bit, and when i wasnt playing, i was sitting with my lovely girlfriend, enjoying the chance to be with her this weekend. We started up bible study after about an hour's break, and that lasted for a good couple of hours. After bible study, we had free time until about 1:00, so me and two other guys(Jed and Brent...who happen to be the other two non-single guys there) went outside to the hot tub and had a relaxing time...that is, until the girls went to the porch above us, and poured cold water onto us(oddly enough, none of it hit me), and then we spent the rest of the hour talking about how we were going to exact our revenge on the girls, and we came up with two ideas: freezing their towels, and koolaid. We also agreed to wait until tomorrow night to execute our plan(so i have to hurry up and finish typing this). After we got back in, we stayed up for at least a couple more hours and played pool and talked, and we're finally hitting the bed. More tomorrow.

2004-02-20T01:14:00.000-05:00

Well. I'm almost at the end of the week. Thank God. Just one more day of classes to struggle through, and i'm free. If you get a chance, drop on over to the songs page, i've got two new songs up that i haven't played yet, plus i now have the ability to field comments about the songs. So if you like it, say so. If you dont, say so too. I welcome criticism. It makes me better as a writer and an artist. Well, i'm going to get off of here so that i can go to sleep. Cause sleep is good. Goodnight, grace and peace to you all.

2004-02-16T00:15:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the backspace key(i actually just used it then). Without it, i would be fielding blows from scores and scores of hopelessly offended people who would have been left without defense from a whirlwind of ill-thought words that have had no time to be analyzed. But i'm also thankful that we dont have a backspace key to instantly correct our misdeeds and misvocalisations. Cause we learn so much from them, that we really cant see the effect until we're far enough away from the fact to look back and see how far we've come. We cant miss the forest for the trees. Sure, you gotta have trees to have a forest, but one tree? It's only a rather large, leafy headstone.

2004-02-15T13:13:00.000-05:00

My body was right. I went to bed fully aware of a deep throbbing pain in my left knee(curiously, that's the one that doesnt pop out of joint), and thought: "Shoot. It's gonna rain. A lot. Sure enough, my body was roused enough by the ambient light in my room to look out the window and go, "Hmm. It's raining. A lot." And by a lot, i mean buckets of cats and dogs. I immediately thought, "ahh...i dont wanna screw around with that." So i went back to the glorious haven of sleep instead of being cold and wet on my way to church.

I finally woke up at about noon, and walked into my brother's bedroom only to have him tell me that Texas was trading Cap'n A-rod to the...redsox? No. I would have been overjoyed and been leaping up and down and doing cartwheels in the basement(now that's a dangerous proposition...a 6'4" man doing cartwheels in the house. not a good idea.)if that were the case. But no. Happieness was not in my immediate future, because A-rod went to the MFY's. (yankees for those who arent sabe) But i walk upstairs to get on the computer to substantiate the information to find that the rest of my family took the same advice i gave myself: stay in bed.

2004-02-11T01:32:00.000-05:00

So. It's more than about time that i post. Cause it has been a while, hasnt it? At the moment, i'm just sitting here looking over some notes for a Politics test i have tomorrow morning, and talking to people on the internet. Is it bad when it's Tuesday(or wednesday, as the case may be), and all you want is for it to be the weekend? Oh well...i dont care. I slept past supper tonight(again), and really didnt want(or need) to have ramen 4 straight meals in a row. So i went to Hardees. Oh yeah. It's been so long since i've been there, i had almost forgotten how good their Thickburgers are. Incrediblosity. Oh yeah.(that's twice i've said that...probably not the last time.) And i'm not even mentioning the curly fries. Dang. Oh yeah, (that's three)promotional dealie. There's a new song on the songs page, check it out.

I find i'm being pierced to the heart more and more by hymns. Thankfully, they put the sacrifice of the Cross into words that i can understand. I wish that i had a grasp(or maybe a lack of a grasp) of the wonder of the grace of the cross. The fact that our Savior died for us, even though we stood against him, profaning his name, yelling at the top of our lungs to crucify what we should be crying to save. We cry as in unison with Caiaphas, "Let his blood be on us and our children!" And though we dont have any idea what we say when we say this, it happens. The blood of Christ is upon us, and because of it, we have life to the full.

2004-01-31T10:42:00.000-05:00

Hey guys...Got some new links up. Check 'em out!

2004-01-30T15:42:00.000-05:00

So, it's the end of another week. Thank you, Jesus for the grace of not having to go to class 7 days a week. So, what shall i write? Well, i guess i'll start off on what i've got going through my mind right now...since that's what i always do. I'm starting to look at the things i'm doing, and really analyze them, and see if i'm needed in these activities, and if i am, then that lends more weight to them not being cast away. For instance, I have been working two Yoke clubs(Maury and White Pine), and last semester, not only was it possible, it was easy. But this semester(even though i'm a little past three weeks into it)has just been crazy in terms of being rushed and having a feeling as if i'm always busy. It sucks, because i have this great class(Spiritual Growth and Development with Dr. Brummitt)that i find to be sanctuary and harbor in the storm of life, and i really need to have time to internalize the things i learn in that class, but every Tuesday and Thursday, i would have to gather my things, run down the hill to my dorm, up three flights of stairs to my room, get my guitar, descend down those same steps just as fast as i came up them, get in my car, and leave. Plus, i drive a lot anyway, and those two trips alone account for 50 miles a week. Cutting 20 miles out of the equation, though it may not sound like much, will probably make all the difference. So that's what i did. I quit Maury club on Thursday, and i'll probably start working in the Yoke office in order to make up the difference in Bonner hours.

In other news, I went to New City last night. I left early, thinking, "hey, i'll get there early, get a good spot in the line-up, get a good table for me, Courtney, and Michael, and i'll be relaxed and it'll all be gravy." Well, it seems like everyone else had the exact same thought that i did. Cause when i walked in at 8:22, it was packed, and there were already 10 people on the list. So i guess word's getting out about the open mic night. And that's a cool thing, cause i hope(and i think)that we're attracting some of the better songwriters in Knoxville, and stimulating growth and community among us musicians. And the best thing about the community is its diversity. It's not just us young kids(me, Josh(more about him later in the blog), Brit, and the brothers Cox), there's also a group of accomplished older writers who come and throw their hat in the ring(so to speak). Even though styles and viewpoints may differ between us, we each have so much to learn from each other. If you're a songwriter and you live in the Knoxville area, dont hesitate to come down on a thursday night and share your craft. The relationships I have built in my(1,2...march, april,...) almost eleven months of participating, and baring my soul to whomever may be in the audience, have changed, molded, and grown me to a point that previously i could not have seen my self getting to, not only in my art, but my life. And it's (mainly) because of the encouragement that i have received at the hands of Brantley and Stephen, and Chris, and the rest of the folks at the Cafe that i am the person I am today. And i'd be foolish not to pass that on. I said i'd say more about Josh, so i am. But what can i say? The kid is amazing. (I say kid for a reason.) He's 16, and is more proficient on guitar, and probably just as comfortable on stage now after just a couple of months of playing at New City as I am now. And if there's anything that i know that could help him grow and progress the way that i have, then i'm glad to share it with him. Relationships. That's how we grow. Grace and Peace, my friends.

2004-01-25T02:46:00.000-05:00

I know very well that i should post more often than i do, but on the average day, it becomes hard to pick a thought among all of the things running around in my head to write about in those few moments when i'm on the computer. So i'm doing the next best thing. I'm writing to you on a piece of paper(actually, three)with a pen, and sitting in my room. I know you're thinking, "Wha?? Why not just sit at the computer and write us something?" Well, technically, i am. I have to type this in, you know. There's no way to go straight from paper to computer.(I ain't no magician.)

Having said that, it's time to let the thinking/feeling muscle have some exercise. It's been a while since I've said some things about what I'm struggling with, so here goes. My constant weak points(for those of you who haven't read something on here before, that's pride, lust, and selfishness)are still my weak points.(If they weren't they wouldnt be constant, would they?)But they are revealing themselves in different ways now.

My pride is continually being puffed up by what i call "a constant paranoia" that makes me think that every girl i see likes me, and might want to date me. I know, I know. Where do i get off thinking every girl at Carson-Newman likes me? Heck, I dont know. I'm only just now admitting to myself that i think about this. So i havent even begun to think about how i combat this "paranoia". Christ, continue to show me how sinful I truly am, that I may know more my need for you. It's not that I'm not satisfied with Courtney(I actually could not be more satisfied), but there's a part of me(i.e., not my true self) that always wants more. And this carries over into so many parts of my life, that it's no wonder why i'm a mess. My flesh wants...more, more than even Christ gave on the cross. Christ, forgive me where I fail you. It wants more and wants it now, and cannot stand to wait. Even for a holiday by the sea. I'm sorry, Lord, for being far too easily satisfied by my mudpies and my lustful, covetous passions to remember your sacrifice and the wonder of your glorious grace...but more than anything, I'm sorry for pushing you away when i should have been leaning on you the entire time. Christ, you are the only one who can see the road ahead of me. May i cling to you, as you guide me along paths i do not know, and ways i cannot see.

(Wow. That wasn't even the thing I've been thinking about over the past couple of days. This is going to be a massive post.)

The thing that's been bouncing around in my head is sort of a usual thing to be bouncing around. Especially in my head.(btw, it's about 2:10 in the morning, so i'm not liable for incoherent sentences)And true to form for me, i've already talked to a lot of people about it. But i bring it here, not that I necessarily seek the cousel of the few who read this page(though i do), but more for me to sort it out in my head.

Over the past week or so, i've been reconsidering my involvement(short as it may be) with my church youth group, and my position as the main worship leader. One of my worries is money(again, the selfishness kicking in), and how far the $20 a week i get will go if i'm driving to and from Halls twice a week, downtown Knoxville once, to White Pine and back to school on Tuesdays, and to Dandridge and back on Thursdays, as well as the occasional trip from C-N to Maryville to see my beautiful and lovely girlfriend. That's a whole lotta driving. 250 miles worth to be(somewhat)exact. And you know what? Even with all the mileage I'm putting on the Native every week, that's not why i'm reconsidering. A thought i had recently focused me in on the real question behind this. I was sitting at the cafeteria on Thursday with my friend A.J., and we were talking about this, and i said to him, "If I was meant to stay and lead worship at my church, then God would have put me at UT, or somewhere else. But I'm not there, and i'm not a part of that community any more. So why do i go back?" And the truth is, i dont know why i go back. I dont know whether it's me wanting to please people, and not leave them hanging, or that i'm afraid to finally pull that part of my roots out of the ground and move them to Jefferson County, or whether i truly do love it, and have a calling to be there. Well, this is where i am. And prayer is very appreciated. If you have any comments/feedback, the email is always open, and always working. I answer email as soon as i read it, and i check the mailbox(at least)a couple times a day while i'm up at school. Ask anyone who knows me...I am rather anal about the whole mailbox checking thing. And always, if there is anything you need help with, email me, and to the best of my ability, my help is yours. Grace and Peace be unto you, my friends.

2004-01-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

Sup folk. I thought i would post before i left for Ba-Yo-Ca today, so i'm here. Posting. To you. Last night, we had Matt Wertz in to play at ye olde 3rd Thursday Cafe. I hadn't heard him personally before, but had heard some friends of his, and some of his music before, but not him. At the very beginning of the concert, we had some technical difficulties involving a bad mic cord, so Matt played the first couple of songs unplugged while the sound guys were figuring out the problem and then fixing it. (*warning* Rant in progress) We(EPC) seriously need a new sound system. Because this junk of us using a conglomeration of systems and trying to accomodate artists that are probably used to using different(re: quality) stuff aint gonna work. But anyway...what was i saying? Oh yeah...about Matt. To be honest, he really impressed me with his skills of an artist. If i could be at his level(granted, i'm completely different stylistically from him) of control over his voice and guitar playing in 6 years, then i'll be doing good. But anyway...pray for my lovely girlfriend, she's been sick, and yesterday had a fever of 103.7...so just pray that she feels better. I'm gonna head off to go pack, so i'll talk to yall on sunday at some point. Grace and Peace.

2004-01-15T00:23:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, i just got back home from church...I've got some things on my mind, and i guess this will be the river into which this stream will flow. I'm back in the flow of things(if you could call it a flow)back at church, leading worship on a weekly basis. I guess the way that the new system(we're trying to mix it up a bit) works is that we have music every week. And that carries both its good and its bad along with it...the good is that the more that i'm leading in worship, the more comfortable i become at it, and the bad is probably the increased drain on my funds. Not the best bad thing that could come...I guess that if you read adam's blog, then you'd know that Nothing Done has broken up, which in my opinion, is a sad thing. But there's nothing i can do about it...unless i get the stick and beat adam senseless when he comes in tonight...(just kidding) There's really nothing to do about the situation. If he feels that dissolving the group and giving up a lot of music(not playing guitar or writing) is what God is calling him to do, then i have no argument against that.

This weekend is going to be good. Friday, i'll be leaving to go up to Camp Ba-Yo-Ca for Yoke leadership camp, and this will be the first time that the "Native"(one of my nicknames for my red 1996 Jeep Cherokee) will be making the trip up to camp. It's definitely time for a weekend at camp. I need to get off by myself one night and just sit and look at the stars. And listen. Not talk, not pray, not sing. No noise, just the beauty of silence. That's what i need. To tell the truth, that's what everybody needs. You(yeah, you. i'm talking to you.)need to get out of your house, and away from the computer, away from the office, away from your cell phone(God forbid that someone can't reach you), and go. Just go somewhere. Take your bible, and a good book, and go to someplace peaceful. Even if it's for a couple of hours. It's a break in the storm of life, and it's good no matter how long or short it is.

Now, all that being said about leaving the email behind, i'm going to talk about it. If anyone has questions for me, or thoughts about my writing, or the site in general, i set up a mailbox expressly for the purpose of anyone being able to contact me, be it for booking(see info about me), or to talk about my lyrics, or anything else that is on your mind. The address is andyvandergriff@yahoo.com, so feel free to email about anything...i'm just tired of not having anything in there. So, be busy...Get to work! While yall are typing away...i'm going to bed. Goodnight, all. Grace and Peace be to you by Christ as you go through your day.

2004-01-12T01:13:00.000-05:00

I've been home for about an hour, and i can hear the freight train steaming by from my window. I'm surrounded by walls of brick and steel that protect me from the elements, and protect the elements from me, on those random occasions when i have strength not to face them. And it's been a while since i've rambled. Just rambled, no rhyme or reason or banner to wave, or war to fight. Just rambled. I feel as if i'm sitting at someone else's desk, and i dont quite know what or why i feel that way. I guess cause the computer's not mine, nor the books, photographs, keyboard, crates, alarm clock, or Santa. But the lamp's mine. The thing that gives light to all these things? Yup. It's mine. Yeah, my books are across the room, but still. Everything's going to be different next year. The room may be laid out in the exact same way, even down to all of Adam's stuff being here(dont know what he would think about that...'hey! all my stuff's gone!'), but it's still going to be different. He'll be gone, and i'll be here. You know, i'm kind of looking forward to next year-when i'll be able to write to you on my own computer, surrounded by pictures and trinkets of my own. It will be good. Not because i'm in control, or know what's going on, but because i'm not, and i dont. Christ alone knows what i will be doing tomorrow, and i praise him for it. Father, make me more aware of your love for me, that i may always magnify your name.

2003-12-26T13:16:00.000-05:00

Hey, guys...little info on why i havent been posting, and also why posting will be kind of sparse here for a week or so...my computer at home has been on the lam(well...not actually on the lam, but close), and hasnt been working in some time...so my internet access is limited to when i'm at Courtney's house, where i'm at presently. So...it seems that i'm falling back into my ellipse habit. I just wanted to update you on why i havent been posting...but i will be back at CN on the 4th, so then i should be up and running again.

2003-12-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

I set up the new comments provider...so all old comments are lost...sorry about that, but it had to be done

2003-12-16T22:29:00.000-05:00

andy....you're a lame-o....post already.

2003-12-10T23:56:00.000-05:00

A little humor for ya: Courtney, this is for you.

2003-12-10T21:55:00.000-05:00

Classes are done. Finally. Or at least that's how i should be feeling...I hate not being able to see my hand in front of my face. Sorry about this, folks(or rather Courtney and Joe...since they seem to be the only two people who read this), i know you probably get tired of me whining all the time about my frustrations about my lack of faith. But that's me. I like being in control, and when i'm not(re:now), i get a little scared. Father, may i have faith in You, and in your sight that is so much greater than mine. I am like a blind child in the very capable hands of Richard Petty, or Michael Schumacher in a car careening down a dark hairpinish mountain road. You alone know where we are going, and tell me endlessly through your word:

"I am your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. So don't be afraid even though the earth falls away, though the mountains be shaken into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad My city, My holy habitation. I am in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; I will help her when the morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter, I utter my voice, the earth melts. I, the LORD of hosts, am with you; I, the God of Jacob am your fortress.
Come, behold My works, how I have brought desolations on the earth. I make wars cease to the end of the earth; I break the bow and shatter the spear; I burn the chariot with fire. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! I am with you, I am your fortress."(Ps. 46, paraphrased, emphasis mine)

I stand in awe of You, my God.

2003-12-09T00:22:00.000-05:00

So, it's another late night on the Carson-Newman campus, with me getting ready for bed and surveying the events of the day(okay, so maybe this is a rare occurrance, but this is the third try tonight, and darnit if i'm going to post it). This morning I realized that I had not only left my toothbrush and toothpaste at home, but i was also out of soap. The soap thing I've been able to remedy(bought some at the campus convinience store this afternoon), but the toothbrush thing...I'll leave at that.

Today, i woke up, went to class, went to class, ate lunch, checked mail(more on that later), bought soap, went to class, took a shower, used new soap(it works, thankfully), then went to class and took a test i wasnt exactly ready for...but did pretty well on. Sort of your normal day. I also went to two Christmas parties...(i feel like i'm falling back into my former ellipse posting pattern...slowly but surely.) The first one was the one for EPC, which was okay...Nasty Santa and finger food. Mmmm. Donuts. Sorry...that was random. Back on topic. I stayed at the EPC party for about an hour, then moved on to the next item on the night's agenda, the Bonner Christmas party. (a true event.)

The Christmas 'Partay' was held at the Glenmore Mansion just off of campus. Glenmore Mansion(which has really tall ceilings...and doors...even on the second story...it was as if there were a family of giants living in it at one time...not really.) was built after the Civil War and is in mostly original condition. We played Dirrrty Santa(the 'rrr's are important), which was more rousing than the Nasty Santa game...mostly because we had more people this time. I probably got the short end of the gifting stick, since i got a cd with one track on it(baby got back), which was a gift from the folks who got the most in that game of Dirrrty Santa, Carlton and Ashley. Ya know why? Well, let's just say that there was a little bit of proposing at the 'partay'. So that goes without saying.

I said i'd get back to the checking mail thing, and i am. I actually got something in my mailbox today...and that made me happy. Not just because it was something, but it was from Someone. I think what she sent was really cool...and so i'm going to post it on here. The note was a quote from Madame Bovary that reads like this:

"Yes, it comes along one day...All of a sudden, just when we've given up hope. Then new horizons open up before us: it's like a voice crying, 'Look! It's here!' We feel the need to pour out our hearts to a given person, to surrender, to sacrifice everything.
In such a meeting, no words are necessary: each senses the other's thoughts. Each is the answer to the other's dreams...There it is, the treasure so long sought for- there before us: it gleams, it sparkles. But still we doubt, we daren't believe; we stand there dazzled, as though we'd come from darkness into light."

I still have fears, mostly based on my own fear to let go of the wheel regardless of my inability to see the path ahead of me. Or to put my full, unwavering trust in a God who truly does know what is best for me, and loved me enough to send His Son to show me how to love, even to the extent of dying on the cross for my sins. Father, you give me treasure immeasureable and abounding in Your Son, and still, you bless me with a woman who loves me out of the overflow of Your love for her. Wow. My Lord and my God, You are Amazing.

2003-12-05T14:09:00.000-05:00

Hey, kids. Got some new stuff going up on the pages...i'm putting up more of my work on the songs page, and hopefully, i'm going to finish my bio/testimony for my contact information page. Along with that, i'm hoping that joe will put me up some counters and comment thingymajigs for those pages. Oh. And by the way, the comments things, yeah, they're there for a reason. Gimme some input, not shelter.(i already have that.)

2003-12-03T20:20:00.000-05:00

ah. the perks of being the admin(or one of them...hehe). I really have no idea why it's been this long since posting, but it has been, hasnt it? Well, what's new, you may ask...and i would probably answer by saying that i dont think much is new. Wait a second. It's been two months. Holy Crapola! I think that's the longest i've gone without posting. I guess you should know that i'm no longer driving the Ghetto Tank, but instead have a 96 jeep cherokee that i love dearly...and also opens up many more spaces on campus that i can park. I still play at New City Cafe on thursdays, and since tomorrow night is thursday night, i'll be there if anyone wants to come out and listen to some good music(not always played by me) in a good atmosphere.

A lot of things have been on my mind lately. Some i can and some i cant share. But i'm certainly going to be real in this space, because i believe that that is how we are supposed to communicate with everyone. I've been dealing with a lot of things, ranging from my lusts(mainly those of the sexual nature), to my laziness, and my greed, and selfishness, and also trying to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. The most persistent(though not the most difficult...but it's close) thing of these that i've been wrestling with has been my lust. I've described it in a song that i'm working on as a demon, and that's precisely what i feel it is like. I'm not removing responsibility from myself for my sin when i say this, but it is just as if my body was out of my control. And i hate it, not because of the typical American reason of hating to be out of their own control, but because of who i have conspired with to give control to. I almost willingly, in my sinful nature(which i hesitate to kill, because it's me, plain and simple) conspire against the God and Creator and Savior that i love with so much of my heart, and give my body to my enemy for him to do great damage with, not only to me, but to the woman i love, and to others around me. It makes me sick. Finally, i reached my breaking point. After going too far again, i sat in a daze, shocked at what i had done, not so much what, but who had done this act. I've decided to fight. I cant do it on my own strength, but i must use all of it. I must be poured out to the point that i cannot stand on my own actions, on my own two feet. Christ, you are my Knight and my Redeemer. You fight for me, though i have done nothing to deserve it. You alone are awesome.

2003-11-28T21:12:00.000-05:00

andy's being lame-o and not posting again...

good ANDY!

good!

whee.

2003-10-23T01:28:00.000-04:00

TEEHEHE!!!!

2003-10-22T23:02:00.000-04:00

So. What's new? Not much. At least here inside the Carson-Newman Bubble. Pray for me, because i have some doubts and feelings that i'm dealing with. Those who know know what i'm talking about, and those that dont, dont worry about it, because i'll let you know what's going on if/when that time comes. So, the sox are no longer in the series. I hope and pray that the Yankees(Satan's team) lose in 6 to the Marlins. As it should be. I'm playing again at New City at their singer-songwriter night, which is always exciting. Dont really have any new material to report, but i soon will start posting some of my lyrics on the appropriate page, and my contact information on its appropriate page. I dont have any of my songs recorded for demos, so i guess what you'll have to do(if you want me to come play) is either give me a call and let me play some of my stuff for you, or come out to New City and give a listen. Grace and Peace, Andy

2003-10-15T21:32:00.000-04:00

yay for andy.

*golf-clap*

2003-10-14T01:40:00.000-04:00

You know what, Joe? You can hush. Cause i'm back. Maybe not better than ever. But i'm back nontheless. I really should be in bed right now, but, i'm sitting here on the computer writing. Great things happened tonight. The Red Sox won again, bringing the series to 2-2. I'm sure more great stuff happened tonight, but i dont think it matters in comparison to the Yankees getting beat at Fenway. Yeah...this morning, i slept through my O.T. class for the 4th time. And i hate myself for it. It's like my favorite class, and i sleep through it. It pisses me off because i want to be in that class everyday to learn as much as i can from Dr. Garner, and i'm not. Pray for me. Pray that i will get out of whatever funk i'm in that causes me to do stupid things in regard to my schoolwork. I dont just want to get by, i want to excel. I want to learn, because there's so much i dont know, and if i dont use my brain and my talents to their fullest abilities, not only am i cheating myself, but i'm making a fool of the gift that Christ has given me. Pray that i wont be closed eyed and closed hearted and closed minded. I want to open up the window but leave the screen on, so to speak. Pray that i will read more. Pray that i will love. Not just the ones i'm supposed to(yoke kids, my friends, my family, my girlfriend), but my enemies, the ones i despise on sight for their hypocrysy and apathy. Because i need to be worrying about the log in my own eye. And just the same, i pray for you. I dont neccesarily know who you are, but i pray that Christ uses this in some way to touch you...and it may not be this, but it may be that you look outside, or around you as you go through your day, and something takes your breath with its beauty. The same God that created that beauty in nature is the one who created and redeemed you, and holds you as His prized possession, above all else in creation. Grace, Peace, and sweet sweet Love be upon you all. For life is nothing without Love.

2003-10-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

andy is being lame-o again and taking forever between posts...so, here we have the return...of the JOE.

that's right folks.

fear me.

you know you want to.

c'mon now.

actually, i just thought it was time for andy's blog to look DIFFERENT when opened...you know, with new words and stuff.

as in...less lame-o

2003-09-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

Hey, yall. I figured i'd post. Why not? Right now, i'm sitting at the computer in our(mine and adam's) room waiting for Monday Night football(Packers v. Bears) to start. I got to play at New City last thursday, and i'm trying to make that a habit again, like it was back during the spring-summer season. I've also been working on two new songs(both scripturally based), and i'm trying to work on more. It's just so hard to find time nowdays to write without distraction. Plus, time management isnt really an easy thing for me...cause i've never really had to do it like i have to do it now. But anyway, dont really know what else to write. So i think i'll go ahead and post. Talk to yall later.

2003-09-19T00:10:00.000-04:00

Hey. I'm really. Really. Sleepy. So this is going to be a fun post, just because i have no real inhibitions right now...wheeee! Sorry that i dont post, but i'm just a little busy now, with school, and Bonners, and Yoke, and EPC, and youth group, and New City. And i also have to find(make) time for writing, and bible study, and prayer. My days are usually chock full, and the nights are very short. But not tonight. After i publish this post, i'm going to sleep, and not waking up until God wakes me up. Because, praise God, i dont have any morning classes. How cool is that? But, on the other hand, i do have to plan what i'm going to talk about on the middle east for a group discussion at the Bonner retreat. Cause if you know me, then you know that public speaking and me dont really mix too well...it's like water and...asphalt. Hey, if you want to, come out to New City Cafe(see the side bar for a link(they have directions on the site, which is really easy to navigate)) next thursday. I'm playing again for the first time since i've been up here, which has been about a month. It excites me to be able to go back to that great community of artists. There's always been so much support, and if any of you artists read this, know that you're always in my debt for how wonderful you've been (and are) to me over my growth as a writer and a performer(if i can call myself that). Well, i think it's time for me to turn in. Good night all, and grace and peace to you.

2003-09-09T19:10:00.000-04:00

Hello friends, may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you all, and in the words i write today. I havent been lazy, though i've certainly been less than speedy in putting a post up. If i could give a reason, it would be because i havent really had anything to say. I know you read because you care, not only about me, but what goes on in my life, and for that, know that i am very thankful. So i say this to say this: I'm sorry about keeping myself away, cloistered from my friends back home(and other places). I'm back.

Well, let's start with today(i'll fill in the preceding weeks later). Hold on...you have to have background to understand what happened today. So here it is. For the Bonner Scholars program, you have to work at least one service site for an average of 10 hours a week. The options i were considering were YOKE and Young Life. Both of these ministry organizations do very good work, and both with the relative age group to which i feel called.(YOKE does middle school, and YL does high school) I had to choose just one to do. Now that you know that, you can know that along the way i had about 80% of an intent to do YL, and about 20% to do YOKE. In my mind, YOKE never really was any more than an afterthought. So i went up to sign up to do Young Life, and talked to Scott, who said that the Qwest training sessions were scheduled to be on wednesday nights, which if you know me at all, you know that that's a very big problem. About a week went by before today, and he and i had been playing phone tag for a couple days about what to do, and i went up to the office to try to talk out a solution to the situation we had. Scott and i talked for a little bit, and he revealed that until about mid-March, all i would be able to get weekly for YL is a couple of hours(which was not what i needed). So i left, with no bitterness or ill will because it just wasnt my time to get involved with it. I walked down the stairs, went across the porch, and knocked on the door to the YOKE office. As i walked in, the woman(i think the staffer) looked at me in amazement as i told her that i wanted to work YOKE. Now for more background to understand my last statement...YOKE had four guys come back this year(that's one for each school that they have YOKE at), so they were in desperate need of guy leaders. So the staffer looked at me with that same look of amazement and said, "Wow. You are an answer to prayer. I just prayed that God would send us male leaders, and here you came knocking on the door." Suffice it to say, that answered any questions and any doubts i had about whether this is what God wanted me to do with the opportunity and time i had been given. I have my interview on friday at 1 pm, so be in prayer for me before and during that time. Also, the leadership retreat is this weekend for YOKE at camp(Ba-Yo-Ca). Well. What else? I joined Eagle Production Company and am helping to promote and put on concerts on campus. Well, folks. I'm going to get off of here...you got what you wanted...;) But seriously. Grace and peace be upon you.

2003-09-06T21:30:00.000-04:00

hello everyone, joe here...

since andy hasn't posted in freakin forever, and i'm bored as all get out, i thought i would take the time to post, since i hadn't on this particular blog in so long (you can read my personal blog here). now granted, this will NOT be a long post, it's just me saying hello to all of andy's faithful readers who have surely been bored as crap for the past few days, with andy's lack of postage.

postage, andy...we need postage.

2003-08-28T15:40:00.000-04:00

I recieved this article in the mail a couple of days back, and is something that broke me. I have developed a definite swagger in my walk and in my life, and i hurt(with careless words) a friend and sister who i hold dear. May the words of a true servant of Christ reach you with the same potency as they have with me.

August 27, 2003
Taking the Swagger Out of Christian Cultural Influence

The fact that Christians are exiles on the earth (1 Peter 2:11), does not mean that they don’t care what becomes of culture. But it does mean that they exert their influence as very happy, brokenhearted outsiders. We are exiles. “Our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20). “Here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Hebrews 13:14).

But we are very happy sojourners, because we have been commanded by our bloody Champion to rejoice in exile miseries. “Blessed are you when others . . . persecute you . . . on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven” (Matthew 5:11-12). We are happy because the apostle Paul showed us that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). We are happy because there are merciful foretastes everywhere in this fallen world, and God is glad for us to enjoy them (1 Timothy 4:3; 6:17). And we are happy because we know that the exiles will one day inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5). Christ died for sinners so that “all things” might one day belong to his people (Romans 8:32).

But our joy is a brokenhearted joy, because Christ is worthy of so much better obedience than we Christians render. Our joy is a brokenhearted joy because so many people around the world have not heard the good news that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15). And our joy is a brokenhearted joy because human culture – in every society – dishonors Christ, glories in its shame, and is bent on self-destruction.

This includes America. American culture does not belong to Christians, neither in reality nor in Biblical theology. It never has. The present tailspin toward Sodom is not a fall from Christian ownership. “The whole world lies in the power of the evil one” (1 John 5:19). It has since the fall, and it will till Christ comes in open triumph. God’s rightful ownership will be manifest in due time. The Lordship of Christ over all creation is being manifest in stages, first the age of groaning, then the age of glory. “We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:23). The exiles are groaning with the whole creation. We are waiting.

But Christian exiles are not passive. We do not smirk at the misery or the merrymaking of immoral culture. We weep. Or we should. This is my main point: being exiles does not mean being cynical. It does not mean being indifferent or uninvolved. The salt of the earth does not mock rotting meat. Where it can, it saves and seasons. And where it can’t, it weeps. And the light of the world does not withdraw, saying “good riddance” to godless darkness. It labors to illuminate. But not dominate.

Being Christian exiles in American culture does not end our influence; it takes the swagger out of it. We don’t get cranky that our country has been taken away. We don’t whine about the triumphs of evil. We are not hardened with anger. We understand. This is not new. This was the way it was in the beginning – Antioch, Corinth, Athens, Rome. The Empire was not just degenerate, it was deadly. For three explosive centuries Christians paid for their Christ-exalting joy with blood. Many still do. More will.

It never occurred to those early exiles that they should rant about the ubiquity of secular humanism. The Imperial words were still ringing in their ears: “You will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Mark 13:13). This was a time for indomitable joy and unwavering ministries of mercy.

Yes, it was a time for influence – as it is now. But not with huffing and puffing as if to reclaim our lost laws. Rather with tears and persuasion and perseverance, knowing that the folly of racism, and the exploitation of the poor, and the de-Godding of education, and the horror of abortion, and the collapse of heterosexual marriage, are the tragic death-tremors of joy, not the victory of the left or the right.

The greatness of Christian exiles is not success but service. Whether we win or lose, we witness to the way of truth and beauty and joy. We don’t own culture, and we don’t rule it. We serve it with brokenhearted joy and longsuffering mercy, for the good of man and the glory of Jesus Christ.

John Piper

2003-08-24T16:39:00.000-04:00

(Written 8-24 during service at Magna View Baptist Church)

The church is weak.

And follows after many lovers.

Yet, her Hosea, her Boaz, The Kinsman-Redeemer, still loves her.

He pursues her wildly, for she has been bought for a great price:

His own blood, His own life.

His grace overflows to her always,

But she is blind, cold, uncaring towards His advances.

Is there no more love in Zion for her lover?

Awake!

In your love, O Zion, Awake, and turn back to the one who redeemed you;

Who paid the price for you.

He waits still, both now and forever.

2003-08-24T16:30:00.000-04:00

(Written 8-23 during Matriculation Ceremony)

May we be true, not only to ourselves, but to You.

May our faith in You be genuine, not fake.

Even if it's not there.

May we be steadfast in holding true to the Grace given to us.

And may we never forget that we are not our own,

But we were bought with the blood of Christ.

2003-08-22T00:36:00.000-04:00

This is being written from my new home, Carson-Newman College. Wow. Boy does that feel good to say. We(meaning the Bonner orientation people)went to Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge. If you havent been before, it's this place where they have kind of a rodeo(but only it's North-South), and they feed you, and you get to eat with your hands. Awesomeness. I ended up sitting on the end of our group(but still in the middle of the row)until a large group of about 7-8 people(including kids)sat down beside me. I noticed that the father, and his wife and kids spoke with a different accent than i usually hear, so i leaned over and asked him where they were from, so he told me that he was from England. Nothing really noteworthy happened. We introduced ourselves to each other(his name is Tom), and pretty much spent the evening shooting the breeze as we watched the show and whooped and hollered. But maybe a change has been wrought through that man. People are people. Though they may landscape lawns, or be plunging themselves into the depths of a college education, people are people. The same Creator that made the rich man also made the poor one. And He made us all with the same need. The need to be loved. (yes, adam, i see what you're talking about now. it's NOT about ideology, but about love.) And the only perfect portrayal of that love comes not from man(for we are fallen beings), but in Christ. While i'm on this subject, i have something to confess. My focus these past couple of weeks(as i'm sure you've seen by my posts)has not been about showing that love to those who need it. It's mostly been about me, and getting me out of my house and away from my former situation. And that's wrong. No matter my situation, nothing should keep me from loving people. It doesnt take a big effort, to love someone you dont know. Just make them better than you. Attempts to force "love" on people will only fail if not backed up with your actions(as influenced by the Love you have been given. So dont try, just do it.

2003-08-17T14:04:00.000-04:00

I have three days until i move into Alumni Residence Hall at Carson-Newman College. THREE DAYS! All this time of waiting and waiting and waiting, and it's upon me. Not right upon me, but still. Upon me. And i havent got anything really packed or ready(which, is a thing that i will rectify over the next couple of days...the benefits of not being in high school) so that's kind of freaking me out. Cause i'm moving to another county. IN THREE DAYS! Sorry. You know. For the outburst. So things are probably going to be rather hectic round my place for the next couple of days. But anyway. The concert is also rapidly aproaching. If you havent heard, i'm opening up for Nothing Done(that's my roommate's band) at New City Cafe(probably the finest place in all the world) on Friday, August 22. Show starts at 8:30, and the cover is 5 bucks. C'mon, a great night of music and worship, and only 5 bucks. You cant miss it. If you do, you probably have cranial damage(except for you who are supporting your friends and family at the Jamboree Kickoff @ Neyland Stadium(My brother plays both ways, so my parents arent gonna be at the show)...then you're excused). And yes, i did say cranial damage. Lemme interject a little thought here. Is free will/free choice really free? And if it's not, then would we ever choose Christ on our own(with no pursuit by Christ)? Post your thoughts on the comments. That's what it's there for. Until later, may His grace and His peace go with you.

2003-08-13T10:54:00.000-04:00

Unworthy. Yup. Unworthy. I can fully and completely say that i am totally unworthy of anything that i have been given. From the air i breathe, the blood coarsing through my veins, to the friends i have(including the woman called Beautiful), and the talents with which i am able to make praise to my Maker. Today, i'm going up to C-N to pay my bills for the semester. I just pray my car makes it...i have the gas, but yeah. Those of you who know, know that my car is ghetto. I would write more, but...i have to go before lunch traffic hits. Cause that would suck.(even though it's 11-E...and that equals-no traffic.) I'm going to go take a shower so i can go. See yall later.

2003-08-11T16:04:00.000-04:00

Kentucky. Yeah. Kentucky. I went with my uncle(who is the youth minister at a Methodist church in Farragut) to Harlan, Ky to deliver and hand out backpacks to elementary school kids there. I went as the music leader or whatever for the group. So, let's start from the beginning. I ended up going to bed at about 12 last night, only to be awakened at 2:30 by someone calling my cell phone. I get up and rouse myself enough to be coherent, then answer. The reception was bad on his phone(whoever it was), and he asked for me...but the phone call cut out. I waited for about 5 minutes to see if he would call back, and then went back to my bed. At 5:45, my alarm went off and woke me up, but i delayed in getting out of bed for about 15 minutes. I then left my room(towel in hand) and stumbled through the darkened house(for some reason, we dont believe in light at night.) up to the bathroom and showered/shaved/brushed my teeth, then dressed and headed to the Bi-Lo parking lot(where the group was meeting me). Even in my delay, i still beat the first person there by 5-10 minutes. After we left, we went up through Maynardville(Hickville, U.S.A.), (where i recieved a phone call from the loveliest woman on the planet)on up to Harrogate, where we stopped at Hardee's and ate breakfast. (right now, the 20 oz. coffee i had this morning is gone, so excuse any lag or whatever.) After we left, we continued up through the Cumberland Gap tunnel to Middlesboro(Kentucky.). I'll just skip to the important stuff instead of rambling on about the rest of the trip. We were delivering backpacks filled with school supplies to Hall Elementary in Harlan, Kentucky. Before i continue, let me give you some background information on the students at Hall Elementary. 98% of the students there(K-8) are on some sort of free lunch/free breakfast plan, and are most likely in a level of poverty that we cannot imagine. During the summer, some of the kids go without eating(except for maybe beans or potatoes), and sometimes lose as much as 25 pounds during the time that school is not in session. They have no means of obtaining anything. No books, no paper, no crayons, no calculators, nothing. So a group of us were up there to have fun with the kids and hand out the backpacks, and i was there to lead them in some choruses. I dont know what impact our presence may have had, but i am truly thankful for the chance to take what God has given me an over-abundance of(time), and use it to share the love that Christ has for all of us to those children who may have never heard the name of Christ. Praise God, through whom all blessings flow. Praise God, because He is.

2003-08-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

Sup. I figured it was about time to post, just so yall would know that i am still here. The past couple of nights were spent mainly on the phone with Courtney. 1:30 and 3:00. That's AM. I'm getting ready to head towards the bed...i have to be up really early tomorrow. 5:30. I'm going with my uncle to Kentucky for a Mission of Hope thing. Well, i'll talk to yall later, and in more detail tomorrow.

2003-08-08T15:41:00.000-04:00

Dude. I probably had the worst night i've ever had at New City last night. To be honest, it was because it was me and my own ability trying to get things done. I couldnt even stay in time on "Table for Two"(and when i mean i couldnt stay in time, i couldnt stay in time. It was terrible.). I have no idea why, but the only song that was any good was "Run". It's probably because it's never been my song. It's too good for me to have written it. I really need to refocus myself. I've let so much stuff distract me from the things that i need to be doing. It's about time that i get going in the right direction.

2003-08-07T02:20:00.000-04:00

And i'm back. Parents are asleep, everything is go. If you didnt notice, i'm a night owl poster. Thursday is now here. In a few short hours(God willing) i'll be at New City. I have truly grown to love that place. It is as home to me, and not just because that's where i have "dates" with Courtney. I dont know. It's a feeling i have. I love being down there. I love the people, the atmosphere, everything. It's almost as good as church is.(and if you know me well enough, you'll know that my church is my second home) It's hard to belive that, in 13 days, i'll be writing this from Jefferson City. And in 15, i'll be opening up for my roomate and his band(Nothing Done). I look ahead a lot, as i'm sure you've seen from my writings on here. But i dont know whether i should be focusing on the future as much as i do. I pray that Christ would open my eyes to the things that i would normally blind myself to and therefore block out. Then i might not miss as much as i fear that i do.

2003-08-07T00:45:00.000-04:00

Howdy. We went bowling tonight. Fountain Lanes is so much better than ghetto bowl. Words cannot describe how great it is. They actually put wax on the lanes! They have a wide selection of different sizes and weights of balls! (i found a 16 lb that fit perfect. If you hit a strike on that, the pins dont fall, they explode. A very cool sight, btw.) Sorry to cut this short, but i have to. No choice...(i'll actually be back at about two. hehe)

2003-08-05T23:55:00.000-04:00

I've got fire in my belly. And i dont know what it is. But i'm angry. So i'm going to try to use this to get it out of me. This is going to be unedited and unwatered-down. If i hurt anyone in the process, i'm sorry. It's not my intention. What is it with The Church today(especially in america) that puts up with heresy? I'm not talking about Arminianism v. Calvinism here, i mean the stuff that makes Christ want to throw up. (Rev. 3:15-22)Why dont we just take off our wedding dress and roll around naked in the pig shit? Really. I say this out of love for the Church, and in hopes that she will open her lustful eyes and run back to the Husband who bought her back out of prostitution. We are Gomer. Plain and simple. We are the prodigal son(only we keep running off). Plain and simple. He is Hosea. Plain and simple. He is the Father. Plain and simple. Why, why cant we just open our eyes and see what Christ has done for us, and what he gives us, and see the difference between that, and our sin? (when i say we, i mean we, in every sense of the word.) As C.S. Lewis once said,(and i realise that this might not be completely accurate, but bear with me)"It is like turning down a holiday at the sea to stay at home and play with mudpies." We are all sinful, we all fall. And we are all just as blind as everyone else.
And all we have to do is just recieve the gift.

2003-08-05T22:11:00.000-04:00

Oh wicked and perverse generation, when will you listen to Christ's call of repentance and faith in Him, and turn from your wicked and sinful ways?

2003-08-04T21:46:00.000-04:00

yes, thank me. bow down, ye peasants.

*ahem* i'm just kidding.

stop bowing.

2003-08-04T13:40:00.000-04:00

Welcome yall. Take a look at the new look...like it? If ya do, leave a comment thanking Joe for his beautiful work.

2003-08-03T15:36:00.000-04:00

Hey, It's me. I had meant to write about last night...well, last night. But anyway...i got to New City at 6, and hung out for a while. I love that place so much. The concert was great. It was Lori Chaffer(of the band Waterdeep), Katy Bowser, and Sandra McCracken. You might know her husband. He was in a little band called Caedmon's Call...he didnt play but one song(with his wife), but it was still cool. I ended up talking with Derek for a while after the show about different things...actually everything from the .net to church government. He's also coming back to the Cafe in November to play a full show, and i'm going to try to get him down to C-N in the spring. Well, i'm gonna get off of here...i'll be back later.

2003-08-02T17:51:00.000-04:00

Hey all. Should I write something in here? Hm, probably. I was in church a couple weeks ago and my pastor suggested to the congregation to start a spiritual journal with a word processing computer on the computer and save the files based on the date which they were written. I've always kept journals, both on paper and at that...other...crazy journal site, but sometimes there's some stuff that's just too icky-personal and that other people frankly don't care to read about. Besides that, you can type really really fast on a computer. I find that sometimes I'll be going on and on and type several pages before I even start running out of things to write. So things are good over there.

Hung out with some friends yesterday. We moved at the beginning of this summer and unfortunately that moved me away from all the friends I had in that area, and only now have I gotten my driver's license and the permission to drive my dad's car wherever I want to. So finally I was able to go hang out with these people...but in the end it was a disappointment. And man oh man, I just can't figure out why. I spent an entire day with good friends playing video games and playing pool and just hanging out and in the end i drove home feeling empty and disappointed inside. Gah! That really annoys me. I never really classified myself as a "dissatisfied" person by nature, but what do I say in response to this now? I prayed for a really really long time about this last night but God didn't really have much to say about it.

I'm getting really burnt out on summer right now. I want to get back to Interlochen, I want to get back to Michigan where my great friends are and get back to a life that is productive and satisfying. Yet at the same time, I know that God has things to teach me even in this last month of summer that I will surely miss out on if I'm constantly looking forward and never focusing on the present. The past is fixed, the present is tangible, but the future is nebulous, changing, and impalpable, and to place my hope in it is to place my hope in a very shaky foundation. This is the point where I say "I'm to place my hope in God" but at this point I'm not sure I really understand what that means.

2003-08-02T17:35:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all, what's up? I just got in from the great american saturday tradition that is mowing the yard. So i'm tired. But less tired than i would have been had i push mowed the entire thing...like i had planned to. I think i might be getting to go to the girls tour show. That will be p-i-m-p. Oh yeah. I just said p-i-m-p. But anyway. Before i break into a schpeal(sp?) about this word, i need to change the subject. I finished Return of the King last night. It was quite good. Dr. Tolkien, i quite enjoyed your work. (yes, i know he's dead. his best friend is my favorite author) Well, friends, i must away...to take a shower among other things. If i go tonight, i will write back later(i.e. 1:30-2:00 am) about the goings on of the night. Farewell, yall!

2003-08-01T19:00:00.000-04:00

(Written in Long John Silver's on a napkin)

It's interesting, the faces you'll see when you look. Some are oblivious, some are angry, some are joyful, and a few are familiar. Truly amazing what you see if you open your eyes. These are the people Christ died to save. The smokers, the jokers, the liars, the drunks. We are them. Because of our sin, we are instantly depraved, and worthy of death. Whether we are rich or poor, intelligent or stupid, or somewhere inbetween. It doesnt matter. Lord, open my eyes to what you could be teaching me; be it in this restaurant, or in the relative comfort of my house.

2003-07-30T23:31:00.000-04:00

Yo. I didnt go bowling tonight. And i dont really miss it. Breathing smoke and getting blisters on my thumb from not being able to find the right ball is not really high on my list of things i'd like to do. At least not right now. More tomorrow.

2003-07-29T12:32:00.000-04:00

*Yawn* I slept til 11, but i'm still rather tired. I'm talking to my friend Paul from SLAM Ministries. He goes around and travels doing mission work with youth groups from around the US. But anyway. I'm watching Saved By The Bell. Talk about a trip to the past. I'm not getting anything now either. It's like there's just a wall standing in my way from writing. I'll be back later.

2003-07-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

Hey. I'm bored. And i think i'll probably stick with capitalization for the time being. Until i get tired of it. The short sentences might do it. And this is taking a while. Mostly because i have nothing really to talk about. But that's beside the issue. I spent pretty much all day either talking on the phone or burning stuff. We're (me and my dad) trying to burn down a large brush pile over the next couple of days, so it's up to me to keep putting stuff on the fire, and also keep it from catching the neighborhood on fire. Would definitely not be good. And still. I dont know how long this has been up. Good Goo, i have 22 people online on my buddy list. That's a lot. So, i'm still not finding anything relevant to write. Oh well, i might as well post. I'll probably write more later.

2003-07-28T10:50:00.000-04:00

Good Morning, Vietnam!!!! Sorry. Just had to do that. But seriously, good morning. How are ya? I'm fine, i guess. Just beginning another nothing day. And watching Dawson's Creek. Okay. Yeah, i know. It's Dawson's Creek. But hey, i've already written about this. Check the archives. But anyway. Really lost as to what to write. Finished the second verse on my song i'm working on. But that's about it. I'll try to write a chorus, but i have to find a chord progression for it that works. And also is somewhat different from the verse progression. But isnt the bridge progression. Songwriting may sound easy, and may be easy for some people(and has been easy for me at times), but this is something i want to finish, and it's taking a pretty good amount of work. Well, i'll get off of here for now. Probably more to come today. Later.

2003-07-27T23:57:00.000-04:00

OK, now for something meaningful. But no less true.

My name's Mike, I'm 16, 11th grade, like Andy said, I live in Florida, and no, it's not as great here as you think. I like music. All sorts of music. Firstly classical. I play piano and I'm studying to compose classical pieces. Secondly Christian rock. Newsboys, Audio Adrenaline, TobyMac, Jars of Clay, Third Day...they all make my life better. I picked myself up a guitar a few weeks ago and one day I'll be up there with all them. You just wait and see.

What else? I love Jesus. God is really cool. Everyone go read "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis right now. Book that changed my life.

I go to school in Michigan, at this great boarding school called Interlochen Arts Academy. It's in the middle of nowhere in a backwoods little town with a population of about two and a half. But it's a great place up there and that's where I spend my school year and study music. I speak French also. Si tu parles...parle-moi, s'il vous plait!

That's all there is. Peace

2003-07-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

That, my friend, is a pitiful introduction.

When reading the above statement, remember that it goes top to bottom in order of time(newest to oldest).

2003-07-27T23:47:00.000-04:00

Andy is psychotic.

2003-07-27T23:34:00.000-04:00

Hey yall, mo news! I'm adding members like gangbusters! Whooohooo! hehe. The newest man on the scene, is a man named Mike from Florida. Yet again, more contrast to my stream of consiousness babble. Well, for more introduction, I'll leave that to him. I'm off. Hasta.

2003-07-27T13:04:00.000-04:00

Hey, what's up? I'm feeling punctuated, i think. So, i'm actually going to punctuate and capitalize this post. Just for funsies. I just got back from church, and still havent eaten anything yet. Parents are in Pigeon Forge. For some reason, they always decide to go on Sundays instead of any other day(it is summer after all). But it's not really a big deal. I like being home alone, actually. I'll probably use this time to do some writing. Cause it's been a pretty good while since i've cranked out a whole song. Like before Fuge. Beginning of the month. So i figure i'm due. Or at least i hope i'm due.

I'm also sitting here watching a show called "The Brendan Leonard Show" on ABC Family. Quite good. It's like a......well, i dont really know exactly what it's like, but watch it, you'll like it. I'm pretty sure of it. Check your local listings. Why? Well, because i said so, for one, and also, i dont know tv schedules all over the nation. Not enough time, i guess. Oh well, i'm going to get off of here. But i'll be back. Later.

2003-07-27T01:40:00.000-04:00

okay. revision time. now that it's been a couple of days, let's get back down and really discuss what's going on, because, to be honest, i didnt do a good job of explaining the situation. here it is. it's not a Thing, but a thing that borders on becoming a Thing. i just did a bad evaluation of my situation because of my good fortune. some of you may think(and have expressed this thought to me), "a month? you've only known her a month and decided to make her your girlfriend(i say, rather put her on the fast track to becoming that, but still.)?" well, i say this. "YOU DONT KNOW ME! YOU CANT JUDGE ME! GET OUT OF MY FACE! I'LL CUT YOU! *snap snap* *brush of the hair*"

not really, i'm just joking, and if you know me, you know that i am. but i've talked to this girl every day for the past month, and have gotten a very good feel for who she is as a person, and in her walk with Christ. i know that i'm not a genius when it comes to the ladies, but i am using my brain a whole lot more than my heart. believe me when i say that my heart will not be invested too soon. i know the price that i could pay for that, because i've seen the damage done when people who have done that have broken up. and i dont want any part of it. so. that being said, let me use this time to make an announcement. we have a new member in our ranks(yeah, what populous ranks we do have, especially with it being just me and joe.), his name is john, he's from virginia, and was my roommate last summer. he'll post when he can, and i think will bring a pretty good perspective up-in-hrrrrreee to offset my random stream of consiousness ramblings. and that, friends, is a good thing. believe me.

2003-07-25T01:34:00.000-04:00

well. new revelation. the courtney thing. remember the courtney thing? ya know, the thing that wasnt quite a thing yet? well, tonight, it became a Thing. dont even ask me how it happened, but it did. we were sitting there, and then we were holding hands. so. i have a girlfriend now. off the market. not like i've been really perusing the market and doing a whole lot of shopping, but still. i'm off the market. and it still hasnt hit yet. i've been single for so long, that i really dont know what to do with myself. i really want to take this slow and not let my foot slam the gas pedal. i want this to be on God's timetable and not mine. but anyway. i really dont need to be listening to my heart right now. cause i'm not sure if it's on my side/God's side. i need to listen to Christ, and him alone.

2003-07-24T16:56:00.000-04:00

yeah, that was joe, he's a crazy kid...his site's also there on the links menu...and also knows html a whole lot better than i do, so...yeah. i think i'll finish up the courtney thing tonight after i get back from New City. hmm...what else...you might see adam on here some...i'm thinking about adding some folkage on here to get more viewpoints than just me. so if you want to write on here, shout me a holler.

2003-07-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

yeah, joe...that's me, hi andy, thought i'd introduce myself to everyone. i'm the tech side of things on this here site. go me.

farewell.

2003-07-24T16:42:00.000-04:00

hey, i'm doing some work on the blog, with the help of joe. on your left, you'll see a new list of links that will point you to different sites...cool, huh? more to come later.

2003-07-24T01:29:00.000-04:00

okay. grr. only slightly angry. i just lost pretty much an entire post. just because i hit some stupid link. that makes me angry. but anyway. silence. the silence of a cool summer night when all in the house are asleep but you. it is truly a thing of beauty. especially when the clock reads 1:08 am. there's going to be something new forthcoming from me here soon...i'll be posting some of the lyrics of the songs that i have written for feedback and general stuff...joe, i'll need some help from you to add some links to the front page that i've been wanting to add for a while now. so get in touch with me soon if you could. that would rock some serious face. but anyway. i'm going to talk some about the courtney thing. so you ask, "courtney thing? i thought there was just the emily thing!" well, the emily thing is dead and gone, remember? and while the courtney thing is not a true thing and is most definitely not a Thing, it is close to being a thing. so that's what i'm calling it. so here's some background on the courtney thing to get you caught up with me. i "met" courtney on the internet. yeah, yeah. i know what you're thinking. "oooh...he met someone on the internet! i bet it's going to be a 40 year old man!" well, stop. for one, that's not what's going on, and for two, that's just sick. absolutely sick. moving on...she had emailed me, so i checked her profile on emode(what?...yeah, i did the emode thing. leave me alone. it does not make me less of a man.) and i found out more about where she lived and that type stuff. so i emailed her back. it turns out that she knew one of the guys i worked with at ba-yo-ca. so that gave her some legitness...hey, it's a little late, so i'll finish this up tomorrow...until then-Andy

2003-07-22T17:42:00.000-04:00

so. it's been...two weeks since i've written on here, so i figure i'm due. if you've been reading adam's blog, you'll know that i've been kind of busy lately. last weekend, adam and i went to ridgecrest, north carolina to lead worship for magna view baptist's youth retreat. it was a cool experience...as adam wrote, we went on a night hike on saturday night, and let's just say that chaos was what ensued on the way up the mountain. it was the mob mentality like i've never seen. but only this time, everyone was split, so that the mob did nothing but cause chaos to ensue...but isnt that what a mob does? i'm not really chock full of things to say...so i'm debating over whether or not to let myself slip into stream-of-consiousness...and i think i will. i cant wait to move into the dorm. i have less than a month until that happens, and i'm not really all that sure of what effect that will have on the relationship my parents and i have. hopefully, it will have the desired effect(that of more independance and less hassle). i'm also in an odd place in my love life(i know, i know...love life? what's that?). the emily thing. remember the emily thing? well, forget about the emily thing. i'm tired of it, and tired of running and chasing after a girl i know that will never return whatever i give. so the emily thing is dead and buried. good riddance if you ask me. the thing that i didnt expect to happen is the friendship with courtney that has blossomed. and now, i would not be opposed to something happening. but i definitely want to take it slow. and i may not want to consider anything along those lines right now. but anyway, i still dont know what i'm going to do. so. what have you learned today? that i have no idea where i'm at. and to be honest, it's the safest i've felt. because i have no control at this point.-Andy

2003-07-09T01:56:00.000-04:00

yeah...i thank God that i have this place(that's on the internet of all places) where i can write out how i feel, without any of the involved parties knowing(save an extensive search on google)...okay, here's what's going down. i'm just going to let this junk flow without rhyme or reason. the emily thing. remember the emily thing? yeah, that's still viable concern wise to me. actually very viable...so viable that it drives me up the wall thinking about it. well, that's not the only thing. there's also this other girl. her name is courtney. she lives in maryville, and it's an internet thing...so i'm trying to keep distance, but she may be wanting more than friendship. yeah. kinda scary. but not that scary, considering that in my talks with her over the past couple of weeks, she's shown herself to be pretty cool, but that's still a non viable concern. then there's the new thing. well, not really a thing, but a girl. her name is garland. she's an mk (military kid) and is the granddaughter of the former interim pastor at my church. i met her last year at church, but didnt really get to know her remotely well until last summer while i was up at carson-newman. i was a student, she was a camper. but anyway, we vibed (clarification: we only vibed...that was it.) and all that, and then she left to go back to south america where her mom and dad are. and we've been keeping in touch with each other a lot(well, as often as we're both online). then tonight, she sends me this email. i'll just quote an excerpt of it. and i quote:

"Maybe there's something wrong with me but it seems like everytime we talk it's a slap of reality. That may sound so cliche but it feels true. And I'm not just talking about the Church stuff. I'm sorry that we didn't hang out more when I was in TN. I don't know if it is the music I'm listening to or what that is making me say what I'm saying ... call me crazy. I miss you. I really like you. "

and now comes the confusion. i have no idea which road to go down. the three that i can see-the many more that i cant-i can only trust in Him to guide me through. and now i am totally blind. please guide me.

and truth be told, i dont know what keeps me from saying those exact words to emily...or maybe these.

i dont know what to think anymore. my head says, "hey, she's moving away, then we can move on and forget about this whole thing." but my heart just asks, "why?" why forget what might be? truth be told, i've liked you ever since i first met you at camp. but i held back, because you were going through the breakup, and i didnt want to be the rebound guy. i liked you too much for that. but after that, i held back again. this time for reasons that i cant remember, or maybe dont even know. maybe it was because of all the times i've been burned by heather. sure, if you turn me down, my mind said, it wont be the end of the world, you'll get back up and move on. but my heart for some reason said, "i dont think i want to be burned again. not so soon. not yet." so i plunged my feelings for you down, and forgot about them for a while. it was easy when you werent there, except in the picture beside my bed. and now you're leaving. and i seriously dont know what to think. sure life will go on, but do i want to lose you in the process? i still dont know the answer.

2003-07-07T18:57:00.000-04:00

hey guys, i'm back from centrifuge...and i'm still sorting out all the things that have changed, and that i've learned...and i'm praying that i keep it all, and dont let any of it go...if you wanna hear some good music, come out to New City Cafe on thursday night, i'll be playing, Adam from nothing done will be playing(i think...it depends on his mood) the Cox brothers will be playing(Brantley on guitar and vocals, and Stephen on percussion and instrumental/harmony vocal)...btw, if you havent heard Stephen Cox sing, do yourself a favor and come down. it is incredible. and i'd say that Bethany Nobles will also be playing as well. and that's always a good thing...plus, various others will be there too...so come on down and have yourself a good time...plus, it's free! that's the end of my commercial, and my post...see y'all later...and for crying out loud, post on the comments thingy...that's what it's there for. until next time, Andy

2003-06-30T07:59:00.000-04:00

hey guys, what's up? i'm writing from a computer at the jameson inn outside of atlanta...we're getting ready to leave to go to centrifuge at panama city...last night, we went to a church that one of our youth group guys had family at and did some stuff there...as always, i ended up playing, but on this occasion, i played a song that i wrote two nights ago that just seemed right for the occassion for some reason...after the service this man came up to me and pulled me aside, and thanked me for sharing my heart with him, and told me that my music would be used to change hearts and change lives...after that, i was pretty much blown away...i pray that i would not get in the way of what You are doing...only use me as Your instrument.

2003-06-28T18:33:00.000-04:00

hey yall...figured i might as well post for once...things are going pretty good...just got back from camp, and there have been very good advances on the home front...okay...camp went absolutely wonderful, and i made so many friends up there...it was awesome...emily, ended up quitting one of her jobs(the late at night one), so that means we'll actually get to hang out after all! whoohoo! i might also be close to getting a band put together...that would kick booty...btw, i'm liking the look of the new blogger...tis muy bueno...btw, my friend(adam whipple)'s band is playing at new city cafe on august 22...and you need to be there...i'll be playing and singing on at least one song...be there. OR BE SQUARE!!!!! sorry bout that...i had to say it...what else to write...oh yeah! soon, very soon, there will be a song page up showcasing my lyrics to the songs that i play live...but if you want to hear them, you have to come to new city cafe on thursdays starting next week...(it's the open mic night, but still, i get to play)i'll be switching to playing more original stuff than covers...so...have i mentioned that i'm so ready for school to get going? i love my parents so much, but i'm so tired of living underneath their shadow...and i'm so excited about the journey that i cant wait for it to start up...pray for me, cause i pretty much really need a real job for the short amount of time that i'll be home...cause my camp paycheck probably wont last me until centrifuge...and seeing as that's next week, that's not real good...well, i figure i might as well get on out of here, so until next time...may the God of peace bless you and keep you in His loving arms-Andy

2003-06-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

so...let's see...i'm almost as sparing in my posts as derek webb is in his journals...what can i say...i just got back from camp today, i got done with my first week back at work, and it was awesome...and i come back, and have to deal with the fact that i have let some friendships break down to the point that there's no communication. and it sucks. i dont know if there are words to describe how bad it is...i'm trying to recover those, but at least one of them might not happen(i'm talking about my friendship with emily...) shoot...i dont even know what's going on in her life...i feel so drawn to her, to be there for her, but i also feel so helpless because she fills her schedule so readily and so quickly with work, therefore pushing away any advances of friendship that i(or probably anyone else for that matter) try to make. and it frustrates me often to the point of tears. i wish that i could just bloody write a song about this so that i could move on. but i cant. until next time, may Christ be glorified-andy

2003-05-26T19:25:00.000-04:00

This week has been a rather interesting week for me...friday, i got those strings and put them on my guitar, and then succeded in misplacing my straight capo so well that i still havent found it, even in 3 days of frantically looking around my room for it...not fun at all...so i'm basically stuck in G, A, D, E, Am, Bm, Em, and F#m...i know that sounds like a lot of keys to be able to choose from, but i cant really make it all sound good without the straight capo...cut capo is awesome and all, but only if you want to play and sing really low stuff...not fun, especially since a lot of the stuff that i write is capoed up higher or lower than two...but anyway, i heard from Lloyd, the camp director at Ba-Yo-Ca, on sunday, and he told me to come up to camp for counselor training week(which starts today), but i have a meeting for VBS in the morning tomorrow, so i'm going to come up for that...i still havent heard from him today, he was supposed to be getting a hold of one of my references, so they could vouch for my growth and all that good stuff. So i'm doing laundry and trying to find all of the stuff that i used to use at camp so that i could use it again...talk about hectic...especially since i never thought that i would ever work there again, but God does some crazy stuff with me...as he's shown over and over, and over again. Well, i'm going to go put my clothes in the dryer...laundry is fun! Pray that i will love as Christ loves(as paul explained in 1 Cor. 13:4-7)...well, until the next time my fingers tickle the keyboard till it cries-Andy

2003-05-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

hmm...well, first post in a week...wait...check that. two weeks...i'm going lowercase, because i dont really feel like reaching to the shift button and holding it in while i punch a letter to begin a sentence. i'm kind of tired...i think i had the most activity that i've had in a couple of weeks...not really physical activity per say, but more mental...i'd say i drove about 50-100 miles today(in city traffic no less) while going around to 4 christian bookstores, and the guitar center and filling out applications for jobs, even though i really dont want to work. it's all my mom can think to talk to me about...blah blah blah..."you never pay for anything" "the buck stops here" "i'm not paying for another thing" "if you want to eat, you gotta get a job" "i'm going to start charging rent"...blah blah blah. it truly makes me madder than not just a wet hen, but a wet bald eagle who just got her chicks messed with. yeah. but i never do anything about it, i just shake it off, because i'm dedicated to not causing trouble, to not shaking the boat. how much crap is that? really. shoot...even i look at my life and say "you weenie"...pretty bad for a guy who has among his heros ...wait...really, what am i ranting about? is this really worthwhile? i guess i'm just longing for freedom in a truly juvenileish way. but now for updates...i played at New City again last night...ended up playing 4 songs before the night was done...played two with Whipple, so that was cool...went bowling wednesday night and actually bowled a 149...which is worlds better than i've ever done in my life...and that was after a two month drought of not bowling at all...so i'd say that i had a pretty good game...probably wont have another that good, but anywho...been watching a lot of tv lately, and i've started watching dawson's creek...i know, i know...shame on me, shame on me, but...still, it's a pretty good show...plus, i'm finding i have a lot in common with the dawson character...who, imho, looks one heck of a lot like andy osenga from caedmons, and formerly of the normals...but anyway, back on dawson...wow, i never thought i would be writing something about this...but here i go...(this is what i get for writing in stream of conciousness (sp?))...his character is very artsy, and wants to be sensitive to how his girlfriend (or friend) is feeling, not very athletic, and not very popular, but still, he's a good guy...sort of like me, only i dont have seiances on friday the thirteenth or anything like that...but that's only a minor difference, right? oh well, i may as well end this before i start talking about smallville...until the next time my fingers touch the keyboard-Andy

2003-05-16T23:22:00.000-04:00

hey, i thought that since i've just passed a major milestone in my life, i might as well make a post, cause, heck, it's a pretty good reason to, ya know? I graduated from high school yesterday night, and i also saw Emily graduate tonight...it's an awesome feeling, of being free, not having to ever again have to go back to that school where i spent four years of my life. I'm enjoying it, most definitely. That night, i hung out with some of my friends at a party that my mom put together...now dont get me wrong, totally clean, totally sober...the only brewed beverages we had were root beer(IBC is the stuff) and coffee. It kind of did stop being a party after about 10, when we popped in Ocean's Eleven (we being me, Adam, Aaron, and Chris), and we just hung out, watching movies (at least Adam and I did) until 4:00...and, Adam, next time we hang out late, wake me up when you're going to leave, so i can be a good host, okay? Besides, i like having the chance to say 'bye' and 'thanks for coming' to my friends, and you are high up on the short list of those, k, man? But anyway, i'm still not quite sure what i'm doing this summer, except for staying here and helping out with youth ministry at church, but here again, that's not exactly a trifling task...but it's one that i would be willing to do without pay all summer. Let's see, what else is new? I know, I know, i'm switching writing styles back and forth and back and forth, sorry if it's so confusing, but i'm working stream of consiousness. Oh yeah, pray for me, if you will, that i will get a good car to drive, because i'm afraid that when i go outside to pull it down from the street before i go to bed tonight that it wont start or do anything, and i have no idea of when my parents might be able to buy me something, so...yeah. But i'm seriously about to fall asleep, so i think i'll go do that...sleep...mmmm....good....send me some emails, for crying out loud! i hate junk! and if you want my address, it's in one of the earlier posts, dig for it...it's good for you.-Andy